EXISTENTIAL THOUGHTS

I’m 18. What does this mean? I’m getting ready to go off to college. What else? I’m thinking more about my furture, more about myself. Who am I?

In my first year of high school, I decided to drop out. I had become complacent. Happy to get C’s in my classes, or worse. When I dropped out of highschool I decided to begin a homeschooling program, if only to justify dropping out of highschool to myself. At this point I spent most of my time on the computer. Surfing the internet not looking for anything in particular, but searching nonetheless.

In school I didn’t have a problem making friends. I was a pretty amicable fellow, however my friendships were a bit shallow. I thought befriending everyone was the right way to go. In so doing, I became more of a likable familiar, rather than people knowing who I was as a person. I didn’t think much about who I associated with, just so long as they accepted me. I’m not trying to say I hung out with the wrong crowd, but that I didn’t belong to a crowd. I didn’t have an identity.

Slowly, as I came to these realizations, I began to understand the importance of knowing myself. I hadn’t been comfortable sharing who I was with other, because I hadn’t spent the time to understand who I was. What I thought. Why I thought it. I was content to bend to the thoughts of others. —

Well, I could continue to ramble, but I think I’ve said what I wanted to. I’ll write another post pretty soon.