Stories and Ramblings

This Is a Story

(Int:  1:30 AM)

We see a man sitting in his bathtub, relaxing. He is eating a piece of cake with no particular expression on his face. You can hear the sound of rain outside, a clock ticking, the sound of water dripping out of the faucet.

            The man takes a bite of his cake; just then a loud knocking can be heard coming from another part of the house. We see the man take a moment before he finally decides to get out of the tub. The man, now with his bathrobe on, opens the bathroom door. We hear the sound of the rain coming down even more heavily. The sound of the knocking is noticeably syncopated; atypical of someone trying to get your attention by knocking on your door.

            The man is now visibly distraught, but trying to keep a cool demeanor. The man heads to his bedroom first, looking for something to defend himself. He spies his long sword resting in the corner of his room. This will do. The man continues to follow the sound of the strange knocking. We can now tell the sound of the knocking is coming from the kitchen where the back door is. The man slowly rounds each corner of his house with a type of attention he didn’t know he had. Finally, we see the man approach the door to the kitchen. He enters the room, now the source of the curious knocking becomes clear. During the violent storm the backdoor had been beaten open by the harsh wind. We see the man, still expressionless, standing in his rain soaked kitchen. The door still is beating against the wall. He now sets his sword on the counter and closes his backdoor – defeated. 

I’ve been thinking

It’s coming up on a month since I moved to Vancouver. I moved to Vancouver for a couple different reasons. For one, it’s where my Dad lives, and the place I was born. Before, I had been living with my mom and my grandmother in Shreveport, Louisiana. In addition to coming to live with my dad, I felt like I needed to move away from Louisiana. I was sure that whatever it was I was looking for was not there. Why would I continue you to live somewhere that wasn’t good enough, in my eyes.

Well, here I am, Vancouver. Still searching for what it is that I am lacking. Certainly, a change of scenery will do the trick. Of course, that’s not how things work. Up until this point I’ve been forgetting one crucial bit of information that I need. That is: What exactly am I looking for? This is the first step. The first step I decided to skip over. 

I’ve been proceeding,  but without the basis on which to stand. I don’t have the foundation to build on with my actions. What I really wanted was to leave Louisiana, but for what reason? I couldn’t tell you. What I know is that I live in Vancouver for the summer, and in the fall I will be attending College in Oregon. So, I’ve begun to build, but with nothing concrete to build on.

All I can do is take this time to continue to construct myself. The only thing I have control over in my life is every thing I do. I’ve put myself in this position, so I might as well continue down this path. I know now that the answers to what I’ve been searching for can only be answered by me.

EXISTENTIAL THOUGHTS

I’m 18. What does this mean? I’m getting ready to go off to college. What else? I’m thinking more about my furture, more about myself. Who am I?

In my first year of high school, I decided to drop out. I had become complacent. Happy to get C’s in my classes, or worse. When I dropped out of highschool I decided to begin a homeschooling program, if only to justify dropping out of highschool to myself. At this point I spent most of my time on the computer. Surfing the internet not looking for anything in particular, but searching nonetheless.

In school I didn’t have a problem making friends. I was a pretty amicable fellow, however my friendships were a bit shallow. I thought befriending everyone was the right way to go. In so doing, I became more of a likable familiar, rather than people knowing who I was as a person. I didn’t think much about who I associated with, just so long as they accepted me. I’m not trying to say I hung out with the wrong crowd, but that I didn’t belong to a crowd. I didn’t have an identity.

Slowly, as I came to these realizations, I began to understand the importance of knowing myself. I hadn’t been comfortable sharing who I was with other, because I hadn’t spent the time to understand who I was. What I thought. Why I thought it. I was content to bend to the thoughts of others. —

Well, I could continue to ramble, but I think I’ve said what I wanted to. I’ll write another post pretty soon.

How about this.

My blog up until now has been about my time that I spent in Vancouver as a First Grader. That sufficiently filled the “Stories” portion of this blog. However, “Ramblings” has been noticeably lacking. At risk of talking too much about blogging while I’m writing a blog I’ll suffice it to say. Ramblings will happen! Not tonight, but perhaps starting tomorrow. 

There’s a multitude of things that I’ve been thinking about lately and I thought “Why not type them out and put them on the internet.” Sounds good, right?

Ok, and… GO